The Significant Challenges of Grief for Teenagers and Young People

The process of grieving a loved one presents difficulties for individuals, but managing this grief as a student introduces an additional layer of complexity. Several teenagers shared their experiences with bereavement with BBC News NI during an event organized for schools by the Marie Curie charity. Emma, a fifteen-year-old student from Belfast High School, experienced the loss of her brother to leukaemia when she was four years old and attending primary school. She stated, “It can be really overwhelming to deal with grief and then have to deal with practical things like catching up on homework.” Despite being a teenager currently, Emma noted that “there are still difficult days like anniversaries or birthdays.” She volunteers with Cruse Bereavement Care, assisting other young individuals, and has participated in research focused on improving support for bereaved pupils within schools. The Marie Curie charity advocates for increased training for teachers on how to support pupils who have experienced the loss of a loved one. For Emma, certain academic subjects evoke memories related to her brother’s death. She recounted, “Just recently we were learning about leukaemia and stem cell treatment. My biology teacher was amazing.” She further explained, “She taught me what I needed to know and then after that she told me that I could just go for a walk and just take a breather.” Darcy, an eighteen-year-old student, is currently pursuing A-Levels at Regent House School in Newtownards. Her mother passed away from breast cancer in 2023. Darcy commented, “She had suffered for quite a long time before she passed, but my school has been absolutely amazing in helping me through it.” She also added, “School is definitely my biggest distraction whenever I think about it.” Upon Darcy’s return to school, her teachers, senior staff, and the school counsellor were informed of her mother’s passing. The school implemented modifications as she commenced her A-Level studies. She stated, “I missed a lot whenever I was off but my teachers were able to have one-on-one time with me to go over what I’d missed.” She further noted, “I’ve had so many teachers listen to me whenever I’ve been quite down about my bereavement.” Megan, also eighteen years old and attending Regent House, experienced the death of her father when she was ten. This occurred as she was transitioning from primary to post-primary school. She commented, “Going into secondary school where nobody knows you, nobody knows your circumstances, it was difficult for me.” She also expressed, “I felt maybe a little bit alone knowing that there were questions going to be asked – about potentially family questions or personal questions.” Megan stated that her mother informed the school about their family’s loss prior to her enrollment. She remarked, “It was kind of kept to myself, but I knew there was help there if I needed it and I knew the teachers I could go to.” She emphasized, “It’s really important that students are made to feel comfortable, and that they don’t need to feel ashamed or embarrassed to talk about themselves.” Debbie Byrne, a teacher, oversees the pupil-led mental health team and the bereavement team at Regent House. The bereavement team is primarily managed by senior pupils who have received training from Cruse Bereavement Care. Ms Byrne indicated that some students in junior school have recently experienced bereavement, while others may have been bereaved historically. She explained, “So they meet with those pupils once a week or whenever they need additional support.” Regent House has also established a dedicated bereavement room to serve as a secure environment for pupils. Ms Byrne further stated, “Every pupil will be different with their needs – some pupils want to discuss it, other pupils won’t.” She noted that in addition to essential training for teachers, schools can implement practical measures, such as the option to “skip certain lessons depending on the topics.” A recent Marie Curie report, titled Compassionate School Communities, draws upon the perspectives of pupils, parents, and teachers. Its objective is to assist schools in establishing policies and support systems for pupils experiencing bereavement. Approximately 900 parents of school-age children in Northern Ireland are estimated to die annually, with some pupils also experiencing the loss of grandparents and other relatives. Joan McEwan of Marie Curie informed BBC News NI that their research revealed young people expressed a desire for “bereavement support and grief education” within schools. She further stated that when teachers receive training to provide such support, “they’re more confident to open up those conversations and ask the child what help and support they need and want.” Copyright 2024 BBC. All rights reserved. The BBC is not responsible for the content of external sites. Read about our approach to external linking.