Support Group Offers Comfort to Women Grieving Maternal Loss

The creator of a social support group for women who have lost their mothers stated that the initiative has provided comfort to numerous other women, alleviating feelings of isolation. Carmella De Lucia’s mother, Bridie De Lucia, passed away in July 2004 due to a brain tumour, at which time Carmella was 17 years old. This experience prompted Carmella to establish the UK Motherless Daughters Facebook group, following her own difficulties in locating adequate support during a challenging period. Established in 2014, the group has since grown to include over 3,000 members, many of whom have characterized it as a “lifeline” as they connect through shared grief. The author of this report is among the women who have benefited from Carmella’s group. My mother passed away several years ago, and Carmella’s group provided crucial support during my greatest time of need. Carmella characterizes the group as “a real sense of comfort to a lot of people” due to the shared understanding that they are “not alone”. The following outlines how the group has assisted me and other women navigating grief and loss. I am Gemma, a BBC News journalist based in the North West, whose life was profoundly altered by the loss of my mother four years ago. At 28 years old, my mother, Tina, died on 19 March 2021, at the age of 53. She had received a diagnosis of pancreatic cancer in 2019, yet I was unprepared for the emotional impact of her loss. My mother was my closest friend, and I continue to adjust to a permanent void in my life now that she is no longer present. It was at this point that Carmella’s group became a vital support system for me. Within the group, I found an environment free from judgment, allowing me to articulate my grief and thoughts openly. Whenever I post in the group seeking assistance, support, or simply companionship and solace, I am assured of a response within moments. I am profoundly grateful for its existence, as it continues to provide assistance nearly four years later. Carmella, now 37 years old with two daughters and a third child expected, expressed that she had not anticipated the group’s extensive growth. She noted its benefit extends to both those who have experienced bereavement and individuals who never had a maternal figure. She further stated, “It is a unique bond, you only get one mother… and when that bond breaks you don’t know what to do because there is nobody else.” Carmella characterized her mother as the “best mum,” describing her as “beautiful, funny and very kind.” Bridie De Lucia received a diagnosis of a progressive brain tumour in 2004, coinciding with the eve of her 50th birthday and Carmella’s 17th birthday. Carmella stated, “It was the worst type of brain tumour that she could have had really and there was just nothing they could do, so it was all very quick.” Her death occurred merely a month later, on 20 July, during Carmella’s AS level studies. “I never thought she was going to die, I thought she was going to get treatment, and get better,” Carmella recounted, adding that she felt “very alone” as an only child with her father also experiencing grief. She recalled, “I remember the day after she died and I was lying in bed thinking, ‘I don’t want to get out of bed this morning because this is the rest of my life now’. I did but it was a scary prospect for me.” Carmella noted that at that time, social media was not available for seeking advice, and her only resource was a book titled Motherless Daughters by American author Hope Edelman. A decade subsequently, she authored a column for her local newspaper sharing her experience, which garnered a “huge response.” “People said there should be a place where people can share their experiences, and I thought ‘yes, there should’,” she stated. Consequently, the Facebook group was established in 2014. Two years subsequent to its formation, Jo Henwood became a member of the group following the death of her mother, Hazel, in August 2016 at 78 years old. Jo, 60, a resident of Chester, described the Motherless Daughters community as “amazing.” She commented, “It is so supportive of each other, we are all over the country, the world.” Jo was born in New Zealand and relocated with her mother to south Wales at the age of five. She has resided in Chester for nearly three decades. She stated that her mother served as both a “dad and a mum” during her upbringing without her father. Their connection was profound, and Jo expressed feeling like an “orphan” despite being 52 years old at the time of her mother’s death. She elaborated, “It is weird but you feel like a bit like an orphan because nobody knows these things of my childhood, it was just me and her.” “The grief, is just raw. It is just as if the bottom of your life has been taken away and you’re just rudderless – whenever you lose your mum it is very tough,” she added. Hazel’s death was attributed to idiopathic pulmonary fibrosis (IPF), a condition characterized by lung scarring and increased difficulty in breathing. Jo mentioned that she and her family shared a final Christmas together in 2015, prior to Hazel’s passing. Jo remarked, “My mum was lovely, she fought my corner a lot and I always felt she was there for me, she was feisty, and we did have such a laugh.” She described the group as “great” and credited it with facilitating connections with other individuals. Further reporting was contributed by Annabel Tiffin. Individuals affected by bereavement, child bereavement, or end-of-life care can access support via BBC Action Line. The best of BBC Radio Merseyside is available on Sounds, and BBC Merseyside can be followed on Facebook, X, and Instagram. Story ideas may also be submitted to northwest.newsonline@bbc.co.uk. Copyright 2024 BBC. All rights reserved. The BBC disclaims responsibility for the content of external websites. Information regarding our external linking policy is available for review.