Secrets to Enduring Marriages Shared by Couples in Derby Care Home

“You can’t have your own way all of the time,” states 96-year-old Trudy Tomlinson, who then asks, “Wouldn’t you agree?” Her 97-year-old husband, Alan, responds with a laugh, “I wouldn’t dare not.” The Tomlinsons have been married for 75 years. They attribute the longevity of their marriage to “give and take.” The couple resides in a companion suite at Middleton Lodge Care Home in Derby. They are one of four couples living in these suites, collectively celebrating over 250 years of marriage. Trudy and Alan Tomlinson first met as teenagers during the mid-1940s. Trudy, a member of the Women’s Junior Air Corps, encountered Alan at a youth games evening held at a cinema in Sheffield. She recounted their early years: “He went in the Army for three years then, and a few months later I volunteered for the Army and I went away. He went abroad. I was a switchboard operator.” Three years later, the couple serendipitously reunited on a bus. Trudy described the encounter: “My mother and step-father went upstairs, because my step-father wanted to smoke, and who got on further down the line but this one? “He looked across at me, and I looked at him.” She added, “We’ve always been together – we wouldn’t think of life without each other.” Peter and Eileen Wade are another couple residing at the care home. Peter stated, “It was a sensible thing to do, being together is the best thing,” and added, “We couldn’t cope on our own to be honest, we need the care.” They moved into the facility in April of this year, following a decline in the former Rolls-Royce engineer’s health, which prevented him from continuing to live at home. The Wades met at a dance while attending the University of Manchester, married in West Bridgford, Nottinghamshire, and departed for their honeymoon in Edinburgh on their wedding day. This year, they are celebrating 66 years of marriage, and they believe tolerance is key to a happy union. Peter commented, “Accept that people have little foibles, it’s part of marriage. You can’t just walk away.” Eileen further explained, “Allowing space for the things that you don’t really pursue, but your partner does.” Located in Littleover, Derby, the care home features “companion suites” for four couples. These suites are specifically designed to enable elderly couples to stay together while receiving necessary care, offering a bedroom for two and a separate sitting room. Joanne Graves, the home manager, remarked, “Between them, these couples have been married for 277 years, it’s something to celebrate.” She noted that “A number of people come into care homes because they have been widowed and it makes it a very difficult transition.” Graves emphasized, “The most important thing for our couples is that they are together and to be able to help them do that is a real privilege.” Readers can follow BBC Derby on Facebook, X, or Instagram. Story ideas can be submitted to eastmidsnews@bbc.co.uk or via WhatsApp at 0808 100 2210. Copyright 2024 BBC. All rights reserved. The BBC disclaims responsibility for the content of external sites and provides information on its approach to external linking.