Disabled Women Challenge Dating and Relationship Stereotypes

At the age of 16, Holly encountered a question regarding her ability to have sex, specifically linked to her disability. Over time, she has faced numerous similar inquiries, including whether she “can have rough sex” or if sexual activity necessitates the use of a wheelchair. She stated, “People think they’re doing you a favour, almost like a sacrifice. The worst thing is I’m not surprised or offended anymore.” Holly, currently 26 years old, lives with chronic pain and hypermobility syndrome. She is among several disabled women who have come forward to confront negative stereotypes and stigma associated with dating and relationships. Holly Greader emphasized the significance of portraying positive relationships involving disabled individuals. She began her relationship with her current husband, James, during her teenage years, and they have been together for nine years, having married earlier this year. She commented, “Often in the media disabled people have miserable lives, we’re just a sad story.” She further noted that while she has consistently felt supported by James, she has experienced stereotyping from other individuals. She recounted, “I was told by people when we first moved in together, that if my health declines he’d leave me. “For being a burden or too much to handle.” She mentioned that during her time in school, people made assumptions about her, with some directly posing these questions. She stated, “When it comes to wheelchair users, it’s always without a doubt almost the first question, can that person have sex?” According to her, male classmates at school posed personal and intrusive questions. She recalled, “I got asked things like, can you only have sex in a wheelchair? Will your joints dislocate? If I wanted to have rough sex with you, would I be able to?” Holly also reported receiving messages on social media concerning sex, offers for which she was frequently made to feel she should be “lucky.” Holly expressed a desire for improved positive representation in media, noting that the character Isaac Goodwin in the program *Sex Education* was the sole positive example she had encountered recently. Nicola Thomas, 38, a registered blind individual from Caerphilly, stated, “One of the more common things people will ask is, how do you have sex? It kind of takes your breath back, it’s such an invasive and personal question.” Nicola lives with an autoimmune disease, neuromyelitis optica, which led to the loss of sight in one eye 15 years ago and the other eye five years ago. She asserted, “A lot of people see barriers with blindness and I’m definitely one to break those down.” Nicola’s leisure pursuits encompass sailing, paddleboarding, and travelling, with her upcoming journey planned for Hong Kong. Nicola was in a relationship when she experienced sight loss, but the relationship subsequently ended. She recalled, “I was treated like a burden, people would say you can’t be a carer for her, but I didn’t need a carer.” She is now in a relationship with a boyfriend who also has a visual impairment. She commented, “Even though we’re both blind, we’ll navigate our way round a city, or go on a date on our own. Nothing holds us back.” Nicola further mentioned feeling stereotyped when individuals express interest in her. She explained, “People message on social media asking for dates, their attention shifts or acts differently when I tell them I’m blind.” She added, “You’re definitely treated like they’re doing you a favour. It puts you off instantly.” Nicola concluded, “People do pigeon hole us. I want to breakdown that stereotype, I have a full and happy life.” Kat Watkins asserted that disabled individuals possess the same right as anyone else to explore their sexual identity and cultivate relationships. She holds the position of access to politics project officer for Disability Wales. She questioned, “Why are sex and relationships such a taboo for disabled people? There is much more to us than just being able to eat and having a roof over our heads.” She continued, “Living your life and enjoying yourself that’s just part of life, and it doesn’t get highlighted enough for people with disabilities.” Kat remarked that instances of people messaging disabled women were “sadly normalised.” She suggested that adaptable sex toys and aids could enhance confidence and expressed a desire for their wider availability on mainstream sex sites and outlets. She advised, “You’ve got to be comfortable with yourself and understand your body, so you can tell others how it works. Self love is also really important.” For additional information on this topic, viewers can watch Wales Live on BBC iPlayer. Copyright 2024 BBC. All rights reserved. The BBC is not responsible for the content of external sites. Further details on our approach to external linking are available.