Death Cafes Aim to Ease Discomfort Around Discussing Mortality

At a charming coffee establishment, amidst tea and cake, individuals engage in profound discussions. The subject under consideration is death. While this might appear unusual to some, for many, a death cafe provides a secure and welcoming environment to explore all aspects related to death and the process of dying. For Hannah Todd, facilitating the Liverpool death cafes has not only resulted in a shift in her professional life but also assists others in addressing a topic frequently regarded as forbidden. The 38-year-old, who currently works as an independent funeral celebrant, stated: “Some people totally get it, some people don’t.” She further remarked, “People don’t want to talk about it [death].” Todd elaborated, “I think they’re not talking about it [and] in the suppressing of those feelings, really is where we start to cause problems.” She added, “People think that somehow by talking about death, you are going to make it happen faster, but the more we talk about death and dying, the easier it should become.” A death cafe is characterized as a peer-led conversation about mortality, devoid of any predetermined agenda, goals, or specific topics. It functions as a forum for discussion, distinct from a grief support group or a professional counselling appointment. However, Hannah mentions that she facilitates conversations concerning grief during her separate “coffee mourning” gatherings. She acknowledges not being a certified counsellor, but rather a trusted individual. “I’m just a person that is aware that grief is hard and not everyone is capable of talking about it.” The discussions at Hannah’s cafe gatherings encompass a range of subjects, with some attendees recounting personal experiences, while others delve into topics such as the Big Bang, the precise moment death occurs, and the origins of life. Hannah initiated death cafes a number of years ago, subsequently resuming them amidst the Covid-19 pandemic. She remarked, “During coronavirus we were talking about death in such a bizarre, abstract way, all those numbers every single day. “Funerals weren’t the same, grief wasn’t the same, everything was sort of stuck and delayed. “I thought it was really important people got a chance to talk about things that maybe they felt uncomfortable talking to friends and family about.” It was during the pandemic that Hannah opted for a career transition. Having managed a café on Allerton Road, Liverpool, for several years, she chose to become a funeral celebrant. Funeral celebrants are certified officiants, typically from a secular background, who generally assist in arranging and leading funeral services, providing aid to grieving families with the purpose of commemorating the life of the deceased individual. At the age of 15, Hannah experienced the loss of a close schoolfriend named David, who succumbed to cancer. She recalled, “He was perfectly well until he wasn’t, and then he was just gone.” This marked the initial funeral she attended. Her mother, Judith Todd, passed away on 1 June 2017, an event Hannah states guided her towards her current vocation. She further commented, “I’ve been to more funerals than birthdays and it’s been that way for a little while.” Hannah likens the sensation of losing a parent to that of a child becoming separated in a supermarket. She articulated: “I do find it akin to when you’re little and you can’t find them in the aisle in a massive supermarket. “Then you have that moment when every now and again you will remember, and it’s that feeling of lost and incompleteness because unfortunately you don’t get to find them again.” Nevertheless, death cafes serve as an effective instrument for demystifying the notion of death, as Hannah clarifies. “At the end of the day it [death] will happen to everyone, we are not getting out of this alive basically.” She continued, “People feel uncomfortable because we don’t talk about it more, so you don’t talk about it because you don’t want to make people uncomfortable, so I’ve just decided that I’m going to make people uncomfortable, not intentionally and not in a nasty way, but I am just going to have these conversations.” The subsequent death cafe hosted by Hannah is scheduled for 30 January at Rose Lane Bistro, Liverpool. For individuals or acquaintances impacted by bereavement, child bereavement, or end-of-life care, assistance is accessible via BBC Action Line. The finest content from BBC Radio Merseyside is available on Sounds, and updates from BBC Merseyside can be followed on Facebook, X, and Instagram. Story suggestions may also be submitted to northwest.newsonline@bbc.co.uk. Copyright 2024 BBC. All rights reserved. The BBC is not responsible for the content of external sites. Read about our approach to external linking.